★ A standing column · since Issue №1 ★

Horoscope.

One paragraph per laboratory, every fortnight. Earth signs file confidentially. Fire signs roadshow. The stars are consulted; the stars are then overruled by the filings.

Issue №3 · 16 June 2026 · Your AI IPO Horoscope

Read in Issue №3 →

  1. SpaceX (+xAI).

    Fire AND Earth sign · The Trillion-Dollar Tinkerer's Vehicle

    Roadshow 4 June. Debut 12 June, on the Nasdaq, at $135 a share — a fixed price, no range. $1.77tn on $18.67bn of 2025 revenue and a $4.94bn net loss. The amended S-1 leaves the founder more than 82% of the vote. Seventh-largest company in America on day one — above Tesla, which is, awkwardly, also his. Awarded, by acclamation, the Elon Premium trophy (№3.03) — same trophy as last issue, and the issue before.

    Hired: every banker on Wall StreetLost: the distinction between "rocket company" and "AI company"Avoid: governance roadshows

  2. OpenAI.

    Fire sign · The Revolving Door, With A Form

    Filed confidentially 8 June. Told CNBC, on the timing: "we have not decided." Holds the inaugural Schrödinger's S-1 trophy (№3.01) for the most committed-uncommitted filing of the fortnight.

    Hired: the bankers, presumablyLost: ~¼ of inference gross margin, 2025Avoid: questions about timing

  3. Anthropic.

    Earth sign · The Quiet Filer

    Filed an S-1 confidentially on 1 June. Has committed $100bn to AWS over ten years, which is, in the spirit of the season, more than IBM books in cloud over the same period.

  4. Databricks.

    Earth sign · Cap'n Q3-of-Whenever

    Reported on 9 June to be in talks for a new private round at $165–175bn, up from $134bn four months ago. Run-rate revenue ~$5.4bn (+65% YoY). Multi-cloud. Profitable in theory. The CEO has stated that an IPO is coming "as soon as 2027." Has stated the same of every year since 2022.

    Hired: enterprise customersLost: nothingAvoid: committing

  5. Anduril.

    Fire sign · The Deferred Patriot

    Raised $5bn at $61bn post in February, four months after $2.5bn at $30.5bn post. Revenue ~$2.2bn. Customers all wear the same uniform. Will, Compute! understands, file — though not, on present evidence, before the mid-terms. (№3.05.)

  6. Cerebras.

    Earth sign · The Wafer-Scale Punter

    Per Forge: already done. Per Reuters: unconfirmed. Per Compute!: both.

Issue №2 · 2 June 2026 · The Stars, Re-Hired

Read in Issue №2 →

  1. OpenAI.

    Fire sign · The Revolving Door

    Has, in twenty-four months, lost Murati to a competitor she founded with three of its own researchers; lost the boomerang autodidact twice; lost Schulman to a competitor of a competitor; rehired Zoph the same calendar day he was dismissed by Murati; and, separately, been told by its own CEO on his brother's podcast that "none of [our] best people" took Meta's offer. Holds the inaugural Golden Boomerang (№ 2.01). Org chart, by Compute! count: a flipbook.

    Hired: Zoph, Metz (returned)Lost: Murati, Karpathy ×2, Schulman, Leike, BrooksAvoid: goodbye parties

  2. Anthropic.

    Earth sign · The Quiet Hirer

    Has, in twelve months, hired Leike, Schulman, Nordeen and Karpathy. Has not, for any of them, posted a smiling-team-photo. Valuation: $380bn. Mood: unbothered.

    Hired: Karpathy, Nordeen, Schulman, LeikeLost: none on recordAvoid: celebrating in public

  3. Meta MSL.

    Water sign · The Patron

    Led by Meta's bag-carrier, with Nat Friedman as a partner. Reportedly offered one engineer $1.5bn — and was turned down. Per the openly-sweatered Sam Altman: "none of [our] best people" took the offer. Per the openly-sweatered Sam Altman, two sentences later: Meta has "gotten a few great people."

    Hired: 7 from OpenAI · 2 from DeepMind · 1 from Anthropic · 1 from SesameLost: the second sentenceAvoid: open-source pivots

  4. xAI.

    Fire sign · The Accelerationist

    Founder lost a federal trial against the company he founded. Founding employee Ross Nordeen has departed for Anthropic. Valuation, last reported: $134bn.

    Hired: pendingLost: Nordeen, the trialAvoid: sworn testimony

  5. Google DeepMind.

    Air sign · The Patient Buyer

    Bought Cap'n Boomerang back for $2.7bn, three years after he quit over not being allowed to ship a chatbot. He now co-leads Gemini. Tim Brooks has also returned, this time on "world simulators." Wins by waiting.

    Hired: Shazeer ($2.7bn), BrooksLost: two researchers to MetaAvoid: chatbot caution, in retrospect

  6. Thinking Machines.

    Air sign · The Sequel

    Founded February 2025 by the founder-in-residence with ~30 hires from competitors. Seed round July 2025: $2bn at a $12bn valuation, pre-product. Lost co-founder Barret Zoph to OpenAI in January 2026 over reported "unethical conduct" (see Golden Boomerang, № 2.01). Still, at filing, has Schulman.

    Hired: ~30 from OpenAI, Meta, MistralLost: Zoph (same-day), MetzAvoid: reading the room of a room you built

Issue №1 · 19 May 2026 · The AI Zodiac

Read in Issue №1 →

  1. Anthropic.

    Earth sign · The Cassandra · Ruling planet: Worry

    Anxious overachiever. Journals about it. Will not stop telling you they founded the lab because they were worried about the other lab.

  2. OpenAI.

    Fire sign · The Phoenix · Ruling planet: Reinstatement

    Charming arsonist. Somehow still in charge. Has been fired and re-hired so many times the org chart is a flipbook.

  3. xAI.

    Fire sign · The Accelerationist · Ruling planet: Mars (literally)

    Their founder will tell you about human extinction at the dinner table. He was asked by a federal judge to stop.

  4. Google DeepMind.

    Air sign · The Original · Ruling planet: 2014

    Was here first. Would prefer you remembered. AlphaFold was a Nobel; you didn't notice.

  5. Meta AI.

    Water sign · The Patron · Ruling planet: Comp Package

    In its bag-of-cash era. Hires you, regrets it, hires you again — at a higher number.

  6. Safe Superintelligence.

    Air sign · The Recluse · Ruling planet: Discretion

    Left the group chat. Still reads it. Has, somehow, raised again on a single line of vision and no product.